I was at the grocery store when this convo occurred.
Texts with mom:
Me: Do I have any green onion? How many red potatoes do I have?
Me: And is there enuf cat food til tomorrow?
Mom: yes
Mom: yes
Me: Yes I have enuf cat food or yes I have green onion? And how many red potatoes do I have?
Mom: Ok yes there is enough
Me: ?
(This became a phone call at this point)
Me: So what do I have?
Mom: No cat food, no green onions, no red potatoes.
Me: You told me I had potatoes.
Mom: You do.
Me: Oh, so they're brown potatoes.
Mom: No.
Me: I'm confused.
Mom: They're beige.
At this point I really wanted to ask why the heck did you say yes at first anyway, but I just ended it here.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Hamburgers 10-28-11
I don't know why, but this one is one of my favorites. My mom watches children in my home during the day while I'm at work and sometimes spoils me with making me dinner. I do love that. Spelling is left as she spells. English is her second language and she doesn't spell in English all that well, but it just adds to the humor...
Texts with Mom:
Me: Can you
Mom: Maybe. Do you want me to do anything with it when it's defrosted?
Me: No, I don't know what I am going to make with it tonight.
Mom: Ok let me know.
Me: Any suggestions?
Mom: No problema
Mom: Gulash, meatloaf, picadillo?
Mom: Hamburgers
Mom: Hamburgers
Mom: Hamburgers
Mom: Hamburgers
(a few hours later)
Me: Hamburgers?
Mom: Too bad I made something else, a surprice. I'll be surpriced if it turns out ok.
Texts with Mom:
Me: Can you
Mom: Maybe. Do you want me to do anything with it when it's defrosted?
Me: No, I don't know what I am going to make with it tonight.
Mom: Ok let me know.
Me: Any suggestions?
Mom: No problema
Mom: Gulash, meatloaf, picadillo?
Mom: Hamburgers
Mom: Hamburgers
Mom: Hamburgers
Mom: Hamburgers
(a few hours later)
Me: Hamburgers?
Mom: Too bad I made something else, a surprice. I'll be surpriced if it turns out ok.
Missing Potty 11-11-11
Mom: Oh T you scared me so bad today.
Me: What did I do?
Mom: The bucket for L's little potty was missing! I thought maybe something was wrong with her poop and it had lots of blood in it or something and you took it the doctor!
Me: ...what?
Mom: But then I found it in the laundry room. I guess you cleaned it there and forgot it.
Me: So the potty bucket was missing and you immediately thought she was bleeding out of her butt and I had taken the poop to the doctor?
Mom: Well it's never been missing before!
Me: What did I do?
Mom: The bucket for L's little potty was missing! I thought maybe something was wrong with her poop and it had lots of blood in it or something and you took it the doctor!
Me: ...what?
Mom: But then I found it in the laundry room. I guess you cleaned it there and forgot it.
Me: So the potty bucket was missing and you immediately thought she was bleeding out of her butt and I had taken the poop to the doctor?
Mom: Well it's never been missing before!
How Do You Spell That? 01-02-12
Names have been altered to protect the innocent.
Me: Mom, Lindsay's mother's name is Karen what? Karen Hightower?
Mom: Yes. Hightower. Like High, up high. Then Tower. And then you put them together. You get Hiiiightooooweeeer.
Me: Oh thanks.
Me: Mom, Lindsay's mother's name is Karen what? Karen Hightower?
Mom: Yes. Hightower. Like High, up high. Then Tower. And then you put them together. You get Hiiiightooooweeeer.
Me: Oh thanks.
Tastes Like Flavor 01-02-12
Mom: These coconut cakes don't taste like coconut. Are you sure they're coconut?
Me: Yes. What do they taste like?
Mom: I don't know. Like flour and...flavor.
Me: Flour and what?
Mom: Flavor.
Me: Hmmm.
Me: Yes. What do they taste like?
Mom: I don't know. Like flour and...flavor.
Me: Flour and what?
Mom: Flavor.
Me: Hmmm.
Following a strange recipe on the phone... 01-03-12
I wanted to call my mom just to say hi, because I haven't done that in a long time. I thought it would be nice to just touch base and let her know I was thinking of her. I was also going to let her know I'm going to the bank to cash some checks she asked me to cash for her. After less than 30 seconds I was beyond flustered.
Cell conversation with Mom:
Me: Hi mom!
Mom: Hi baby!
Me: How are you doing?
Mom: Good! One, two, three..
Me: What?
Mom: Oh...one...two...three...four
Me: Mom I don't know what you're saying.
Mom: Five...six...
Me: Mom I think maybe your breaking up or something
Mom: HOLD ON T I'M COUNTING!!
Me: (so confused) Oh ok...
Mom: ....Ok now what did you say?
Me: Well I was going to tell you that I am going to the bank to cash your checks for you.
Mom: One...two...three...
Me: Mom what are you doing?
Mom: I'm cooking.
Me: Mom I'm going to the bank to cash your checks.
Mom: Oh that's nice. Wait, you're going to have lunch with who?
Me: I'M GOING TO THE BANK TO CASH YOUR CHECKS!
Mom: Oh thank you so much baby!
Me: Ok bye then.
Cell conversation with Mom:
Me: Hi mom!
Mom: Hi baby!
Me: How are you doing?
Mom: Good! One, two, three..
Me: What?
Mom: Oh...one...two...three...four
Me: Mom I don't know what you're saying.
Mom: Five...six...
Me: Mom I think maybe your breaking up or something
Mom: HOLD ON T I'M COUNTING!!
Me: (so confused) Oh ok...
Mom: ....Ok now what did you say?
Me: Well I was going to tell you that I am going to the bank to cash your checks for you.
Mom: One...two...three...
Me: Mom what are you doing?
Mom: I'm cooking.
Me: Mom I'm going to the bank to cash your checks.
Mom: Oh that's nice. Wait, you're going to have lunch with who?
Me: I'M GOING TO THE BANK TO CASH YOUR CHECKS!
Mom: Oh thank you so much baby!
Me: Ok bye then.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Conversations with Hubby 02.1 - Update
Well W ruined my last complaint. He called me to tell me he was on his way to the store to get me more tortilla chips. Because he knew I wanted them. Unsolicited. Not as entertaining but I had to give him credit where it was due. I guess I could write Reasons why I love him but...
Conversations with Hubby 02
Incidentally, I didn't post the first thing that annoys me about W.
#1. Regardless of what we are eating, W will always pull out a knife, fork, and spoon.
Even if we are eating pizza, and we need none of these. WHY? I was asked what does he do with the utensils he doesn't use, does he put them back or wash them. I said wash them of course. And then, I paused. Wait. Does he put them in the dishwasher? Oh my gosh. Has he been putting them back in the drawer all these years after getting his grubby hands on them? So I investigated. My findings revealed that he does neither. He leaves them on the kitchen island for me to guess what to do with them. Luckily, I always put random tableware in the dishwasher. I don't "guess" when it comes to tableware. So typical. It should be my #3. In fact I think it will.
#3. He never puts anything in the dishwasher.
By "never" I am being dramatic. Because it annoys W. In reality, it's ONLY 90% of the time. I am being generous. He will take the time to rinse everything and leave them in the sink. He thoughtfully will fill bowls with soapy water to make "my" job easier. Even if there is nothing that was in the bowl that needed soaking. Say maybe it was used for salad. But believe me, ANY residue left behind MUST soak by W's standards. God forbid he do any scrubbing. If I were to not touch the dishes, they would remain soaking for days. He tells me that he can't put the dishes in the dishwasher because of his back. He is a personal trainer, and his job is very physical, and he just cannot do any more bending or squatting. It hurts his back and for employment reasons, he must preserve his back as much as possible. This is not a battle I am interested in having however, so fine, whatever. I am married to a fragile personal trainer and if I push this issue, the fight becomes "you don't have any consideration for my health". Oy vey, who is buying this load? Not me. But whatever, I just put the dishes up and deal with my irritation. And then blog about it.
#1. Regardless of what we are eating, W will always pull out a knife, fork, and spoon.
Even if we are eating pizza, and we need none of these. WHY? I was asked what does he do with the utensils he doesn't use, does he put them back or wash them. I said wash them of course. And then, I paused. Wait. Does he put them in the dishwasher? Oh my gosh. Has he been putting them back in the drawer all these years after getting his grubby hands on them? So I investigated. My findings revealed that he does neither. He leaves them on the kitchen island for me to guess what to do with them. Luckily, I always put random tableware in the dishwasher. I don't "guess" when it comes to tableware. So typical. It should be my #3. In fact I think it will.
#3. He never puts anything in the dishwasher.
By "never" I am being dramatic. Because it annoys W. In reality, it's ONLY 90% of the time. I am being generous. He will take the time to rinse everything and leave them in the sink. He thoughtfully will fill bowls with soapy water to make "my" job easier. Even if there is nothing that was in the bowl that needed soaking. Say maybe it was used for salad. But believe me, ANY residue left behind MUST soak by W's standards. God forbid he do any scrubbing. If I were to not touch the dishes, they would remain soaking for days. He tells me that he can't put the dishes in the dishwasher because of his back. He is a personal trainer, and his job is very physical, and he just cannot do any more bending or squatting. It hurts his back and for employment reasons, he must preserve his back as much as possible. This is not a battle I am interested in having however, so fine, whatever. I am married to a fragile personal trainer and if I push this issue, the fight becomes "you don't have any consideration for my health". Oy vey, who is buying this load? Not me. But whatever, I just put the dishes up and deal with my irritation. And then blog about it.
Conversations with Hubby
Things that annoy me about my husband:
#2. Eating all the food and not telling me.
T: UGH! I wanted to eat some chips with hot salsa to clear up some of my congestion, and guess what, there's no more chips. (as I glare at W)
W: I know. You can eat them with potato chips like I did.
T: Oh, well...fine, where are the potato chips?
W: Oh I ate the last of them. Sorry.
UUGGGHH
#2. Eating all the food and not telling me.
T: UGH! I wanted to eat some chips with hot salsa to clear up some of my congestion, and guess what, there's no more chips. (as I glare at W)
W: I know. You can eat them with potato chips like I did.
T: Oh, well...fine, where are the potato chips?
W: Oh I ate the last of them. Sorry.
UUGGGHH
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